shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
