are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
