it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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