haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
