She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
