wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
