Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
