just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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