took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize