your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
