Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
