remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
