He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
