when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
