Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
