i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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