all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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