Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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