are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
