You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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