Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
