around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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