just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i think i just lost a toe
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
