call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize