For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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