now i know why i became what i already was.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
