Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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