your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
