my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
