I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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