just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
