I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
