This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
