I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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