No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
