Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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