God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
