I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
