I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
