Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
