i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's Friday. Sex?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
