a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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