It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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