You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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