what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
A+ Viking dick
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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