Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
