Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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