If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
