Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
