I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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