you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
