my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
