why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
