I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
BRING THE BAGELS
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
