Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
sex in a hospital.. check
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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