He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
