Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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