It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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