I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
