We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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