dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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