highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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