i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
