So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
