Your face is a jimmy john
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
