there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
