Her vagina should come with caution tape.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
