dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
