The maid of honor just puked.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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