So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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