its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
