fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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