my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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