i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
