TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
