Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
