Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
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