if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
