i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
