With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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