You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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