I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
