Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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