Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
