Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
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I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
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Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis