Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?