im having a threesome with these popsicles
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
