where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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