My nipple is on Facebook.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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